Monday, October 25, 2010

La Niña is a Spanish Whore!!!!!

That's right . . . I said it, and I ain't takin' it back, either.

La Niña is a phenomenon typically following El Niño that is caused by cooler than normal currents in the ocean depths off the cost of Peru. The term "El Niño," which is Spanish for "little boy" was aptly named as such by local fisherman after the Christ-child, because the pattern normally occurs around Christmas. La Niña, "little girl", on the other hand, should be named "la puta", because she's a heartless little tramp and I hate her. The "event" is most often characterized by strong weather patterns which, in recent years, have been discovered to play a significant role in North America, particularly during the fall and winter months. During a La Niña year, winter temperatures are warmer than normal in the Southeast and cooler than normal in the Northwest. Furthermore, rainfall totals are typically higher in the Northwest and lower in the Southeast.

What this all means to YOU, the avid duck hunter in Northeast Arkansas, is that you can expect continuing hot, dry conditions, which, in essence, translates into swatting mosquitoes and sweating over dry fields with absolutely no birds until sometime in mid-January. Now, wouldn't you agree that La Niña is inappropriately named?

To illustrate this point more clearly, what follows are verbatim quotations from my 1999 (which happens to have been our last strong La Niña year) hunting journal:

November 19, 1999: For records purposes, this is the third Spanish year in a row. Two years ago, in 1997, there was El Nino’, which plagued us with warm weather and little rainfall. Last year, there was La Nina’, El Nino’s evil twin sister. This year, she’s back. I am truly frustrated with warm, dry fall weather patterns. I hope for cold fronts which bring heavy rains and lots of ducks in the near future. Last night, one week to the day before Thanksgiving, I mowed my lawn in blue jeans and a T-shirt. I burned up and was eaten alive by mosquitos. The highs during the daylight hours are generally in the high 60's to the low 70's. Nighttime lows average 45 to 55.

. . . and the pattern continued right up until January 1, 2000, wherein I noted that "We hunted under high sunny skies and 60 degree temperatures."

Don't get me wrong . . . there were some nice, cool days during that season. But my point is that I don't have any hopes of a normal season, and the lack of water mixed with the abundance of dust has dampened my spirits, if you know what I mean.

Nonetheless, if there are ducks to be hunted, we'll pursue 'em with reckless abandon as if there is no tomorrow!